When Survival Becomes the Story: Healing, Writer’s Block, and Finding Your Way Back to the Page
I disappeared… then I came back…
For two years, I disappeared.
Not because I stopped caring about writing, or wellness, or the women who tune into this space.
I disappeared because I was trying to stay alive—physically, mentally, spiritually.
And sometimes survival becomes the only story you can tell, even when you don’t have the words for it yet.
This blog is the written companion to Episode Seven of The Divine Writer’s Block, and it’s the most honest I’ve ever been about what happened, what broke, and what rebuilt me.
The Hiatus I Never Planned
I launched this podcast in January 2024 with momentum, excitement, and six episodes ready to go.
I wanted to hit the ground running.
I wanted to be the writer who “finally did it.”
I wanted to be the woman who didn’t quit.
But by March, everything collapsed.
I had a panic attack that shattered my sense of safety, identity, and direction.
I thought I was dying.
I thought something inside me had snapped beyond repair.
And even though the hospital told me I was “fine,” nothing about me felt fine.
For months, I lived in a fog of fear and confusion.
I barely posted on social media.
I barely wrote.
I barely existed.
I was surviving, not living.
And then—because life is strange and miraculous—I got pregnant.
And every symptom, every health issue, every spiral I had been fighting… disappeared.
My body reset itself in ways I still don’t fully understand.
But emotional healing? That took much longer.
The Hidden Wounds We Don’t Talk About
This part is hard to write, but necessary.
Years ago, I developed unhealthy habits around food and my body—habits rooted in a generation that worshipped thinness and punished anything other than that.
I made myself throw up.
I restricted.
I binged.
I punished myself for being human.
I believe those years of harm contributed to the health issues I later faced, including H. pylori—something that ER dismissed again and again because I had “a history of anxiety.”
But the truth is deeper:
I had been carrying emotional wounds from childhood that I never spoke aloud.
Not to friends.
Not to family.
Not even fully to myself.
Therapy cracked me open.
Healing forced me to confront the parts of my story I had been justifying, minimizing, or excusing for years.
I had been explaining away other people’s harm.
I had been shrinking myself to keep the peace.
I had been living a life built for everyone but me.
And when I finally asked myself, “What is wrong with you?”—the answer wasn’t that something was wrong.
It was that something needed to change.
How My Novel Became My Mirror
Writers heal through story, even when we don’t realize it.
When I looked back at my first draft, I saw a protagonist who was passive, voiceless, waiting to be saved.
She never spoke up.
She never fought back.
She never believed she deserved more.
She was me.
And that’s why I couldn’t finish the book.
Typing “The End” felt like killing a version of myself I wasn’t ready to let go of.
But after the panic attack. . .
After the therapy…
After the boundaries…
After the unraveling and rebuilding…
I finally understood the ending she deserved—because I finally understood the ending I deserved.
Now, as I step into my third draft, the story is different.
Because I am different.
Writer’s Block Isn’t Laziness—It’s a Signal
People love to say writer’s block isn’t real.
That if you can’t write every day, you’re lazy.
That “real writers” push through.
Those people don’t have kids.
Or a full-time job.
Or trauma.
Or a body that’s been in survival mode.
Writer’s block is real.
It’s a mental block, yes—but it’s also a message.
Sometimes it’s your brain saying:
“We don’t have enough energy to create. We’re just trying to survive.”
And that’s not failure.
That’s biology.
This is why I teach writers about nutrition, brain health, and sustainable habits.
Because creativity requires fuel.
Focus requires nourishment.
Writing requires a body that feels safe and confident.
I used to eat 700-1,000 calories a day and work out seven days a week.
I was exhausted, foggy, and stuck.
When I joined Gensgym, they bumped me up to nearly 2,000 calories—and everything changed.
Came into focus.
My brain turned back on.
My energy returned.
My writing returned.
Now I eat around 2,000 calories a day, work out once or twice a week, and I’ve lost weight because I’m no longer starving myself.
Your brain cannot create when it’s starving.
Your story cannot flow when your body is in crisis.
Why I’m Back—and What’s Coming Next
I tried launching a coaching business.
I tried being consistent on social media.
I tried doing everything “right.”
But it didn’t feel aligned.
Writers already carry financial burdens—editing, covers, marketing.
I didn’t want to be another expense.
I wanted to be a resource.
So, for now, applications are closed.
No pressure.
No sales.
Just service.
I’ll be sharing:
Weekly podcast episodes
Weekly blog articles on my website (though I did state substacks)
Nutrition and brain-health education
Writing Mindset Tools
Fiction craft lessons from my advanced fiction studies
Free packets for writers (fiction & nutrition)
Because I know what it feels like to be lost, overwhelmed, and trying to write your way out of the dark.
And I know what it feels like to finally breathe again.
You Are Not the Statistic
People love to say only 1% of writers get published.
Ignore them.
You are not a statistic.
You are not the exception.
You are the writer who finishes.
You are the writer who heals.
You are the writer who becomes.
Your dream is in your heart for a reason.
Take breaks when you need to.
Start over as many times as necessary.
Let life shape you, not stop you.
And when you’re ready, because you will be, return to the page—one sentence at a time.
If this chapter of my story resonated with you—if you’ve ever felt lost, block, overwhelmed, or like life pulled you away from the page—this week’s podcast episode goes ever deeper.
You can listen to the Full Episode of The Divine Writer’s Block right here or anywhere you stream your favorite podcasts.
Also be sure to subscribe for future episodes and remember always your story still matters—and it’s waiting for you to return.
